Dead Men Tell No Tales Review

Javier Bardem leads a bloodthirsty gang of ghostly varmints
Javier Bardem leads a bloodthirsty gang of ghostly varmints
Author

24 May, 2017

Ah, it doesn't really matter.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales opens in Australia on Thursday.

"Dan Jolin, Empire: "...even the once-reliable Johnny can't distract us like he used to.

I mean, we're not talking about the "Star Wars" or "Alien" or Marvel Universe timelines here. The movie is overly busy and nearly desperately frantic (although thankfully not as headache-inducing as, say, the Transformers torture-fests), full of twists and turns that ultimately mean nearly nothing and pretty much lead right back to where we started. Are there fan-driven "Cons" populated by devoted Sparrow-Heads, with Barbossa costume contests and couples dressed as Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann?

Thankfully, an elegant end steers the fifth Caribbean movie back on course.

It's been six years since Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides came out, and to tell the truth, probably the only reason the franchise stayed alive in the public consciousness since then was due to all the troubles surrounding the production of the newest entry in the series, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales.

But even if you haven't seen any of the previous entries in this initially entertaining but sometimes overblown and sometimes meandering Disney moneymaker, "Dead Men" works well enough as a stand-alone, swashbuckling comedic spectacle, thanks to the terrific performances, some ingenious practical effects, impressive CGI and a steady diet of PG-13 dialogue peppered with not particularly sophisticated but (I have to admit) fairly amusing sexual innuendo. Directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, two Norwegian filmmakers behind Bandidas and Kon-Tiki (nominated for an Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film), the movie has a great balance of fantastical horror, humor, action, romance, and plenty of surprises. "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales" drops anchor in US theaters on May 26, 2017.

Justin Trudeau photobombs students posing for Prom, Twitter jealous
The keen sportsman had been out for a run along the Stanley Park Seawall when he passed a group of students in full formalwear. Remember that time he just randomly popped out of a cave in Gatineau Park and took a shirtless selfie with a Quebec family ?


Predators left surprised, determined by Johansen's injury
The Ducks took a 1-0 lead when they caught the Predators with their fourth line out against Ryan Kesler and Jakob Silfverberg. He was a big part of our team and it's a tough break for him. "We're going to need them again [Monday] night".


Japan cabinet approves bill allowing emperor's abdication
But current Japanese law has no provision for abdication, thus requiring politicians to craft legislation to make it possible. Only males can inherit the throne and there was a succession crisis until 2006 as both the emperor's sons had only daughters.


So here's your plot, such as it is.

The film also introduces former Home and Away star Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner, the son of Will Turner who was played by English actor Orlando Bloom in the earlier films. Henry meets Carina, who is also after the Trident. As it is, POTC5 lives up to the cheerfully nonsensical but fun spirit of the franchise, but you can't help feeling that it really is time to let the Sparrow rest and enjoy his rum in peace. Oh, and Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) shows up as well, obviously.

At the centre of it all is a certain pirate called Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), who pretty much just bungles around willy-nilly, somehow managing to remain in the eye of the storm, unharmed, no matter what happens around him.

All the talk of curses and revenge and magical maps is the movie equivalent of roadies stacking the amps for the pyrotechnics to follow.

Another key player is Javier Bardem's villainous Captain Salazar. Bardem's Salazar is a genuinely frightening creation.

Johnny Depp returns to the big screen as the iconic, swashbuckling anti-hero Jack Sparrow in the all new Pirates movie. This time around he's being pursued by Captain Armando Salazar, a ghost from Captain Jack's past.


More news


  • Snapchat adds support for group Stories

    Snapchat adds support for group Stories

    A new story ring positioned at the top of Explore gives Instagram users access to all the stories happening near them. The Stories section will become an active feature on the Instagram after the Stories explore feature.
    Senior White House aide 'person of interest' in Russian Federation  probe

    Senior White House aide 'person of interest' in Russian Federation probe

    A third major story dropped on Friday afternoon , with respect to President Donald Trump and the Russian Federation investigation. Trump may feel as if he's been drawn and quartered, but what he's experienced is the power of a free press in a free country.
    Boston Celtics win NBA draft lottery, Lakers second

    Boston Celtics win NBA draft lottery, Lakers second

    But the Lakers already have a young point guard in D'Angelo Russell, who they drafted with the No. 2 pick two years ago. The Charlotte Hornets , Detroit Pistons , Denver Nuggets and Miami Heat will get the final four lottery picks.
  • Nokia's three new 'Unknown heart' phones leaked with specifications on Geekbench

    Nokia's three new 'Unknown heart' phones leaked with specifications on Geekbench

    Additionally, we can make out some other details of the smartphone from the image provided by the publication. The dual 13MP camera on the rear is supported by a dual LED flash and possibly laser autofocus.
    French President Macron heads to Berlin for his first official foreign visit

    French President Macron heads to Berlin for his first official foreign visit

    Any reforms would likely still have to wait until after September, when the German leader faces re-election. However, he signaled readiness to look at sharing future burdens.
    Car Companies Settle Takata Airbag Lawsuit for $553 Million

    Car Companies Settle Takata Airbag Lawsuit for $553 Million

    The potentially defective airbags, which can spray shrapnel into occupants, are on more than 42 million vehicles worldwide. Between the four automakers, approximately 15.8 million vehicles were fitted with the Takata airbag systems.
  • Predators reach 1st Stanley Cup Final, oust Ducks in 6 games

    Predators reach 1st Stanley Cup Final, oust Ducks in 6 games

    Two minutes after Sissons' second goal, Anaheim's Chris Wagner banked a shot in off Rinne's mask to make it 3-2. The Ducks peppered Rinne with pucks. "They understand what it is that we're trying to do here".
    Will deal with only triple talaq due to paucity of time: SC

    Will deal with only triple talaq due to paucity of time: SC

    Sibal said if Parliament wishes to bring a law it can enact with regard to an activity which is secular and reformatory. We can not wipe out (the difference between) Shias or Shunnis".

    S Korea's new leader discusses N Korea, defense system with China's Xi

    He took office just one day after the presidential election because South Korea has had an acting president since last December. Moon has said the decision had been made hastily and his government should have the final say on whether to deploy it.
  • NHL Playoffs: Anaheim Ducks Exciting Comeback Victory

    Nashville had two potential goals waved off in a span of eight seconds during the third period because of goaltender interference. Whether it ends in regulation or goes past, look for the Ducks to come up with the close win and square the series.

    West Ham enter talks to potentially seal transfer deal for Championship star

    Bilic also revealed that Andy Carroll will remain on the sidelines until the new season, after initially hoping he may be back in time for their last fixture.
    Kylie Jenner's official trailer for her new reality show drops

    Kylie Jenner's official trailer for her new reality show drops

    But it was all about the eyes for once, as Kylie Jenner lounged around naked for a smoldering new photoshoot. Kylie Cosmetics went live in 2016 after the mass success she found with her lip kits.